As I shared last week, life has thrown a few curveballs of late.
And with that, I’ve had to stop.
And with stopping, I’ve had people looking.
‘What are you going to do now?’ is the popular question.
Oh, well, I don’t know yet. I need some space. I need some time to think. I need the answers to come when I’m still.
But lots of people don’t like stillness. Lots of people feel uncomfortable about stillness.
(Actually, I was someone who felt very uncomfortable about stillness at one point. And I don’t discount the fact that I do panic slightly in the initial stages when life calls for it! I’m getting better though *wink*)
‘What’s the plan?’
Oh, well, I don’t know yet. I need some space. I need some time to think. I need the answers to come when I’m still.
‘Oh. But, but, but…. Have you thought about…?’
And there it is; that next question that is laden with other people’s values and judgments.
Look, it’s a tricky one to get away from. People are going to naturally want to impart their wisdom onto you. They are going to want to ‘save’ you or ‘fix’ it or give you some very much needed ‘perspective’ (their own).
From trusted, respected loved ones I’ve heard;
‘There’s no shame in giving up, just for a while, just until you get yourself back on track.’
‘If I were you, I’d go back to working full time. Running a business is hard.’
‘I couldn’t live like you do. No way. Money is much more a motivator.’
And my favourite;
‘You’ve given it a red hot go. Maybe it’s time to be realistic now.’
With all due respect, take a hike.
People who decide to follow their dreams have it challenging enough. They’re creating something and anyone who has done this likens it to giving birth and knows it’s not easy.
(Ok. I haven’t given birth. Not yet. Perhaps I don’t have a right to use that metaphor… but are there any creators out there that have given birth that can relate?)
Have you thought about how one feels if they’re told to give up their dreams?
I know it’s challenging to watch someone struggle and flap and sometimes lose their sh*t over things not working…. But have you thought about how impactful it is to hear, ‘I think you should quit while you’re ahead?’
Buzz kill.
So, how do we handle these loving words of advice?
And they are just that, loving words of advice. You may not realise it at the time, but they’re people just giving a real flying fig about you, wanting the very, very, very best for you (through their own lens, of course).
My suggestions;
Turn it around. Be ecological about it but ask them this, ‘Have you ever wanted something so bad that you were willing to do whatever it takes? And you just hit a bad patch? And someone told you not to pursue the very thing you wanted anymore?’
Stop them. Be strong. The line may go something like this, ‘Hey, I really love what I do and am going to keep going. I’d really love your continued support in the process if you can offer it.’
Reframe it. That may go something like this; ‘Am I right in saying that might be something you’d do in my situation? Good for you if that is the case. I’m going to take a different approach.’
Smile and wave. Other people’s expectations can have them appear as naysayers, which I spoke about here. Smile. Wave. THANK them and move forward, knowing in your heart that you’re doing the right thing for YOU.
Imagine this. If you take their advice, if you stop fighting, if you give up, or if you accept less then what you’re hoping for according to someone else’s expectations, what’s that going to look like in a year’s time? In two year’s time? In 30 years time?
Regret.
That’s what it’s going to look like.
And we don’t want that now, do we?
Now, over to you. Dealing with other people’s expectations? Let us know how you handle them in the comments below!
With love
Lynda
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