In the last few days the love languages have been tabled a couple of times in my life.
So, heck, why don’t I write about them?
(Just as an aside, that is what I love about blogging and life. Things that pop up can often become fodder for my written meanderings. People who know me well – I will never mention your name without permission *wink*)
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman tells us that we all have a particular way in which we know that we feel loved. The five possible ways are acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time.
As you’re reading this, have a think to yourself, do I feel loved if my partner and I spend time together – quality time – where he/she and I are completely present and connecting to each other? Or, do I feel loved if my partner takes the bins out and washes the dishes for me without me having to ask (acts of service)? Or, do I feel loved if my partner tells me how much they love me and how proud they are of me and that I do an amazing job of it all (words of affirmation)? Or, do I feel loved if my partner surprises me with flowers for no reason, or leaves me a note on my pillow to wake up to in the morning (gifts)? Or, do I feel loved if my partner grabs my bum on the way to the kitchen or gives me a cuddle as they walk in from their day?
Hmmm. What language do you think you are?
(You can, in fact, be bilingual so don’t worry if you’re sitting there saying but I could be this and that!)
Ponder that while I tell you something important.
No matter what language you speak – it is important that you recognise that of your partner and speak in that language.
And here’s why;
Gary likens the languages to spoken languages. If someone started speaking to you in Spanish, would you suddenly understand it?
(Well, unless you did indeed speak Spanish… but I’m going to assume you don’t.)
The same goes for the love languages.
If your partner prefers acts of service as their love language and you prefer quality time, it is not going to compute with you that you are ‘being loved’ if your partner takes out the trash.
And vice versa. If your partner’s love language is acts of service and you prefer quality time, they are not going to understand why you are whinging about them being on the phone whilst you are out at dinner together.
You must learn to communicate in your partner’s language in order for your relationship to thrive.
So please, for the sake of your relationship and for the love of all things holy, communicate with each other. Explore and discover what language you and your partner speak and how it would look, sound and feel if you were to start communicating in their lingo.
Gary credits himself with bringing marriages back from the brink because he has spotted them speaking a different language to each other.
Is this something you can employ in your world, with your partner or those close to you?
(For more – purchase the book. I highly recommend it and it’s an easy read.)
With love … in your right language, of course.
Lynda
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