I touched upon boundaries last week.
There are boundaries that are pushed by others in terms of the treatment of us (which is what I focussed on last week) and then there are boundaries of a task-orientated kind (which is inadvertently allowing certain treatment of us by others but stick with me here).
When we take on too much or don’t find ourselves saying ‘no’ enough (which is a valid strategy, btw), then we can feel overwhelmed, pushed and tired. Almost like they’re the lighthouse and we’re the boat, consistently navigating our way around.
I know women especially struggle with this.
And I’ve struggled with it in the last week.
Try this on for size;
Can you wait an extra 45 minutes because I’m not going to be ready in time?
NO
Can we move our dinner plans because it’s going to suit me better?
NO
Can you tolerate not responding to my text messages because I’m a non-responsive person?
NO
Can you take on this extra bit of work that encroaches on personal time because we think it would work well for the organisation?
NO
Can you just take on this one more task to help us out of this pickle?
NO
If you’re anything like me, no is not traditionally in your vocabulary, meaning you’re often saying yes at times you’re not really comfortable with.
We’re either hoping the situation will improve next time, thus avoiding confrontation. Or we’re hoping to be liked for saying that yes.
But what does that communicate to the other party? What does that tell them?
We teach other people how to treat us all the time.
The minute you start drawing lines in the sand on where your boundaries are, is the minute others will start meeting you there.
No is hard. No takes practice.
Try again;
Would you like me to write more on this subject?
NO
Ok, got it.
With love
Lynda
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